Monday, August 31, 2009


The Sterling Cooper Pledge #3 from theperfectsecretary on Vimeo.

Your boss is getting hitched as are all the secretary's around you. You are feeling sad, lonely and unmotivated. What do you do? Mope around your Corona typewriter, ogling the telephone wire to see if it will carry your weight? Why of course not! You stand up with your chest out and your chin up and you recite this pledge. It will get you motivated in no time! After all you get him for the entire week, she just gets him late nights and weekends. Best of all you don't need to put up with the baloney and by baloney I mean wife.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


Your BelleJolie lipstick is ready for a kissing but is the target really the one you should be aiming for?

A Good secretary must always know her place, and it's definitely not in a bar that serves hamburgers. Nobody likes a greasy minx.

Remember hygiene is of the utmost importance for a secretary so keep your fingers out of the burger bun. You need those little digits for tap tap tapping away on your typewriter.
The optimum place for Secretarial Seduction is always at the office. So go ahead explore just the right spot in his orifice (oh my pardon the typo must get my Sterling Corona typewriter fixed) go to the filing cabinet and open his drawers, make sure you service all the equipment correctly so you can provide him with the optimum secretarial performance that he so deserves, sans ketchup of course.

Monday, August 24, 2009


The Sterling Cooper Pledge #2 from theperfectsecretary on Vimeo.

You have been working your behind off like nobody's beeswax to show your boss just what a winning little busybee you are. But does he really see the champ in you? Are you looking for constant validation? Does your boss just not recognize what a marvel you are at the office? What ever you do, do not get your panties in a twist, for you might just need them later...

Wednesday, August 19, 2009


You want in but you don't have the key. What should you do? Every aspiring secretary believes they have the administrative chops to be part of the best advertising agency in town. Here is a list of things you can do to help them notice you.

1. Make sure you do indeed have the chops. Take every class you can, from filing papers to typing quickly on your Olivetti. I recommend Katherine Gibbs.

2. Interviews can be tough so make sure you are prepared. Even an excellent secretary can get nervous, It happens to the best of us. I know. It's called stage fright. Do not believe that ridiculous myth that you should picture them naked for you will only be titillated which will only distract you further. So try titillating them instead, that might just do the trick.

3. Think (but not too much) outside the box. You've sent your Curriculum Vitae in repeatedly and cried out to the postman
"Wait a minute Mister Postman, please Mister Postman, look and see If there's a letter in your bag for me. Why's it takin' such a long time for me to hear from that job I wish were mine. There must be some word today from HR on Madison Way.
Please Mister Postman, look and see If there's a letter of recruitment awaiting me.

I've been standin' here waitin' Mister Postman so very patiently. For just a card, or just a letter sayin' that they are ready for me.

So many days you passed me by. See the tears standin' in my eyes. You didn't stop to make me feel better by leavin' me a Sterling Cooper engraved card or letter."

So Chin up and chest out! Nobody likes a cry baby! Go ahead and be a little deviant by catching their attention through other means, I know I am... Laura Schiff, Carrie Audino are you listening? Perhaps I'll get the Postman to deliver the message...

Tuesday, August 18, 2009


You should always be in the know with up to the minute etiquette updates, so I cordially invite you to follow me on twitter. Unfortunatley The Perfect Secretary was too long of a name so I've had to do the unthinkable and succumb to a horrendous abbreviation, I'm not a fan of nicknames but sometimes you must accept what ever the master wants to call you, so please find me as perfectsec.
What a delightful world it is on twitter. It's even more informative than the operator ladies at Sterling Cooper. You didn't hear it from me but Mr. Lawrence had a meeting at Ogilvy. His secretary clearly can't keep her boy under control, if she could this kind of information would never leak out.
It seems that Ms. Olson is quite discontent with her new secretary and who can blame her she is quite the office chatterbox. Someone needs to cut off her beak. I don't think she has been pledging lately... Have you?

The Perfect Secretary's Oath #1 from theperfectsecretary on Vimeo.

Monday, August 17, 2009


WARNING if you were not at the office yesterday there is some information below that might act as a spoiler for the gossip session awaiting you at the water cooler.

My oh my was I in a flutter over yesterday's goings on at Sterling Cooper.
It was very distressing to see such uncouth emotional outbursts as displayed by Burt. I only shudder to think what our neighbors across the pond must think of us. Especially if Mr. Hooker turns out to be the office chatterbox.
Always stay calm and collected and express your anger with a sweet smile, emotional outbreaks should never under any circumstances be tolerated in the office.
I was also dissapointed with Pete's behavior, even if you feel you have been treated unfairly by promotions at work, you must never let the others in the stenopool know of your jealousy, green is not a pretty color for your face. Try nude instead.
As always Don knows just how to behave, he keeps to his own business, and why shouldn't he, as if he'd be interested in that which shall not be mentioned behavior.
Though he should be careful with bringing home souvenirs of his extra curricular activities. He did of course redeem himself by giving his daughter a kind gift. How thoughtful.
I am happy to see that Don still does not have a secretary, this is wonderful news! I can't wait to reapply to the heads of Human resources at Sterling Cooper; Laura Schiff and Carrie Audino to be Don Draper's secretary.
Dutifully Yours,
The Perfect Secretary


It is important in life to surround yourself with people who share your same values, otherwise you might just end up on the wrong side of the tracks. I for example only work with the best, the bees knees of behavioral science.
This is my wonderful Etiquette Training Team:

Etiquette Fat Cat Without a Dime (Executive Producer): Sabina Maschi, The Gift of the Gab (Producer/Writer) Jean Candiotte, Etiquette Supervisor (Producer/Director): Stevie Wong, Social Liaison: (Marketing) Anna Pizarro, Typographic Genius (Graphics): Jimmy Adams, Marvelous Tunes (Music) Oli Chang, Making it all look Swell (Editor): Alex Wilson, Beautifier (Make-Up): Melanie Minichino, With Special Thanks to Edwin Ho and Mike Jowett for outstanding hospitality!

Sunday, August 16, 2009


At the beginning of every work week I recite an Oath to keep me grounded. I highly recommend that all young secretaries do the same. It is the only way to keep you from getting into trouble at the office.
When feeling lost and confused remember the weekly pledge, and alter your behavior accordingly. Next week I will have a new pledge to keep you from going astray.
This presentation was cooked up as an hor doeuvre to the Etiquette Traning Series coming soon.


While I am the creme de la creme in the hygiene department, technologically I am a generic supermarket pudding. A gentleman at Sterling Cooper Advertising Agency advised me to create this "blog" (a most unsavory word if you ask me) after I asked him: "How could I spread the gospel on hygiene, good manners and impeccable etiquette"? "Why create a blog" he said. And so here I am! Apparently I can do all kinds of things to beautify this page. And since aesthetics are of the utmost importance I am going to need a dapper gentleman who knows his way around such high tech business.